So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
