like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
