WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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