Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
