My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
