So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
