Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
