I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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