eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
