i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
