I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
