i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
