Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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