Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
