smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize