i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
