i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
