oh god the rape fog is back!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
