Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
