Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
