u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
