My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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