I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
