New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize