Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
