Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
