Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
