I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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