Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
True but thats because hes a fetus.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Randomize
