Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
