Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
