the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
