I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
