I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
