You just made me feel so damn special
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You're like the curious george of whores
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
