I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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