She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
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