we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
