I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
