Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
