Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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