There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
