My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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