is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize