i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
