Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
