I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
