I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
