what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
