How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
