i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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