Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Randomize
