Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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