I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
