a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
