is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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