Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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