i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
