Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
