Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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