Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
