your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
