Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
