Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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