All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
