I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My dick has a subreddit
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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