This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
operation harelip BJ is a go
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Randomize
