What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
