I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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