CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
