In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
