Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
