@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize