My friends, they love my intelligence
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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