I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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