I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
