New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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