textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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