he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My dick has a subreddit
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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