Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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