I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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