I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize