I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
