You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we're making bets on your personal life
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
