I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
