I wanna passion pit in your ass
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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