At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
