Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
