i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
